Apparently every single one of you went to a concert last night. 92% of all South Carolinians were at Mumford & Sons, while some people went to see Maroon 5 and 2 people went to see The National. I am not sure what that all adds up to because I am bad at math. What I do know, is that I was at none of these places, as I was resigned to my couch watching a movie on Lifetime. Yes folks, I am just THAT cool.
When I look at my timeline and see that people are living better lives than me on a Wednesday night, I seek solace in the inspirational tweets of @WaffleHouse:
So when I was all salty because y’all are living large and I’m living like a 45 year old housewife, I just cooked up some bacon. Problem solved. Sometimes, though I still question why I’m here and what my purpose in life is. Waffle House rang in on that as well:
There you have it folks! I am living up to my special purpose. I was born to eat bacon and no one can tell me otherwise. But what about love? I mean am I to talk this bacon-filled world alone?Done and done. I have no more worries. I have cast all my cares upon the House of Waffle and it delivered. Well, delivered answers…I am pretty sure there’s no @WaffleHouse food delivery. If there was such a thing, I’d probably never put on pants ever again.
I am not sure if I need that filter on Instagram, but I am pretty sure all my Snapchats scream “THIRSTY!”. @ComedianRonG has more advice for the ladies:
#SmellLikeScubaSuit. I can’t comment any further, it’d just be a waste of effort. Even though @ComedianRonG is #prefamous, he hasn’t forgotten his Southern roots:
Nothing says “I’m not bougie” like enjoying a regular folk’s treat in a fancy place. No caviar for this cat. No, ma’am, he knows where he came from. Pretty sure if @ComedianRonG reads this he will just call me a dream snatcher, and he’d be right. I am full of haterade. Oh wait, I forgot…Bacon cures that…Sorry, I forgot for a second! Whew, crisis averted!
If you are a the opposite of a dream snatcher–a dream catcher, perhaps?–you should send @SceneSC a tweet of a Twitter account we should feature in this little column. It’d save me some time and give @SceneSC a false sense of popularity for the day. Don’t forget to hashtag it with #TwitterThursday, because I will have no idea what you’re saying otherwise. Bacon.